Tuesday, February 14, 2006
the saddest poem
hello there everybody..well it's Valentines day..the day of love,the day of great heated passion,the day of sweet nothings,the day of..yeah whatever..Bullshit i say..yesyes..palts..forever the pessimist..*sobs and boohoos*..so anyway schools gna be out in like 2 wks time..honestly can't wait for that to happen..can't wait to just let loose and do jackshit all day=)..excellent..but for now i've to study till my brains spill outta my ear..*enter gross visuals*..just hope i'm not in for a Sup man..i'm praying i don't..yes you heard me right..i'm actually PRAYING..looks like only devine intervention can save me now..hais..
So anyway i had the strangest dream last night...it was extremely odd that i dreamt of this person whom i haven't spoken to or seen in ages..hmm..sign?..haha i don't know...i don't usually believe in all of this..and i still don't actually..and i've blogged about this before in one of my previous posts so instead of me boring you with repeating myself..i think it's the 2nd post in septembers archive..go read..:)..
Well i think i better get back to studying before heading of for dinner...but before i go i'm gna leave you with a poem by Pablo Neruda i got off Tani's blog..(Http://tanipunani.blogspot.com).. i read it and nearly cried..its so meaningful..strange thing is tani told me stace ,herself and myself read it and thought of our ex's..intresting..maybe it's just something about tt poem that brings back memories..or maybe its just the words that are so powerful..but whatever it is..haha and the irony of posting this on Valentines day...hais..i miss my babies..no..not my babies perse..Tanya,Stacey,Ara,Jo,Kristy,Soph,Debo..hais..cant wait to see them again..
THE SADDEST POEM by Pablo Neruda
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her.
To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.That's all.
Far away, someone sings.
Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's.
She will be someone else's.
As she once belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body.
Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms, my soul is lost without her.Although this may be the last pain she causes me, and this may be the last poem I write for her.
..till next time fellas..catch you on the flipside=)
So anyway i had the strangest dream last night...it was extremely odd that i dreamt of this person whom i haven't spoken to or seen in ages..hmm..sign?..haha i don't know...i don't usually believe in all of this..and i still don't actually..and i've blogged about this before in one of my previous posts so instead of me boring you with repeating myself..i think it's the 2nd post in septembers archive..go read..:)..
Well i think i better get back to studying before heading of for dinner...but before i go i'm gna leave you with a poem by Pablo Neruda i got off Tani's blog..(Http://tanipunani.blogspot.com).. i read it and nearly cried..its so meaningful..strange thing is tani told me stace ,herself and myself read it and thought of our ex's..intresting..maybe it's just something about tt poem that brings back memories..or maybe its just the words that are so powerful..but whatever it is..haha and the irony of posting this on Valentines day...hais..i miss my babies..no..not my babies perse..Tanya,Stacey,Ara,Jo,Kristy,Soph,Debo..hais..cant wait to see them again..
THE SADDEST POEM by Pablo Neruda
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her.
To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.That's all.
Far away, someone sings.
Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's.
She will be someone else's.
As she once belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body.
Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms, my soul is lost without her.Although this may be the last pain she causes me, and this may be the last poem I write for her.
..till next time fellas..catch you on the flipside=)
Sunday, February 05, 2006
hate
have i ever told you what a complete ignorant,self-pitying dickhead my father is? no?..well let me enlighten you.my father is the next best thing after gamblers,alcholics,drugadditcs and wife beaters.honestly i don't know which is worse..having someone with an actual problem (alchoholics etc) or someone with a problem that lies in that fat filled head of theirs.my father evidently is the latter.god i've got so much things to say i bloody don't even know where to start.ok maybe i should start with the reason i decided to blog about this..
So he comes back from the market (one of the few things he actually does to make himself useful) and asks my sister to ask my mum if we're going to church.now i make my way downstairs and he asks me to get changed..so i turm around to ask my mum if we're going to church.now in that twisted warped mind of his somehow this is disrespecting him..cause he already told me to change..now what in the hell sense does that make?..i mean then what the hell is the point in asking my sis to ask my mum abt church if its already been decided?..by asking my mum he's implying that he doesn't know if we're going to church yet..but no..somehow when i ask my mum i'm going against what he said..god..what the fuck man honestly.so he tells me to fuck off..which i do cause i can't give two fucks what he has to say..i make my way back upstairs and he comes up takes a shower comes out of the shower and starts yelling at me asking me what i was trying to do asking my mother if we're going to church..
ok..honetly father..i've always thought that maybe you might just be a bit more hard to try and understand cause of that typical domineering mama attitude you give..but now i've come to the conclusion that the problem lies in your head-your emotionally unstable..and guess what.. i feel sorry for you.you say i'm the self-fish one who feels sorry for herself?..haha..tts personyfying the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black".your the 44 year old jobless bum who sits at home the whole day,whallowing in self-pity, doing absolutely nothing at all whilst my mother has to go to work and bring home the income.Yah ok..so we've got money to start with..but it isn't even about that..it's the principle..you've got mouths to feed and bills to pay..you just don't resign from your job cause its not your cup of tea..i mean how fucking selfish is tt?..if my mum had a choice i'm sure she would much rather stay at home and look after us..but she understands that she has children and these children are expenses that have to be paid for.
God i just hope you get a job overseas and move there..i know this sounds awfully selfish of me but guess what?i don't give a fuck..if you look at it carefully the only thing we depend on you for is income..we don't need you around in our lives and yes i'm using the word "we" becasue these sentiments are shared by my other sisters and now,increasingly my mother.you know how happy and at ease we are when you go overseas for some stupid meeting and what not?..its as if a whole load has been lifted of our chests..we can come home and just do what we like without having you interrupt us with your stupid chores that your fat-self is incapable of doing.
Your a walking contradiction..i really have to give it up to my mum for being able to tolerate your bullshit after all these years.i mean the only thing she can do now is to make sure her daughters don't make the same mistake she did by marrying someone like you.and turst me,rest assured that mistake won't be made.i won't let myself or any of my sisters.Its about time you realise that you have 4 daughters, 3 of whom are well aware of the type of bullshit you give and who all cannot stand the sight of you.I actually have to give it up to my other two sisters cause they actually seem to be more tolerant towards you than i am..maybe its cause i've been feeling this way about you for like what 6 years?..correction..i've hated you for about 6 years.
If you honeslty feel like your being disrespercted by us than too fucking bad..cause guess what?..your bringing it unto yourself with the way you behave towards us.you say you dont care how you are towards us?very well..then you slnd' bother how you so call "get treated"..honestly man..if u wanna leave and just walk out pls..by all means..i'm actually secretly hoping you do.call me selfish again..i don't care cause i know tt its for the better.i mean what difference would it make?..you don't know anything tt goes on in our lives at all cept for maybe the very basic things..and like i said..we only depend on you financially.
your whole side of the family is freaking dysfunctional..you've got a neurotic mother,who's becoming increasingly paranoind after your fathers death..which by the way has affected you greatly and with which i take secreat joy..i know by now everyone reading this would probably come up with a whole list of words to call me..but you'd probably be saying the same thing if you were in my positon.my uncles can be annoying but a generally fine..thank god..and by 2nd uncle i must say is the best..he's sucha great father to his daughters..i mean i just observe the way he is with them and i wish he would be my father.he knew tt my dads side of the family was fucked up so he really took pains in ensuring his daughters were not exposed to all the dysfunctions that my father got us exposed to.and for tt i commend him..honestly..my father would never be half as good as my unlce..ever..but whatever..my dad doesn't care..he told me himself he doesn't..so y bother?..thank god for my mum cause i really don't know what i'd do without her..she's like the sane side in my life.
i can't wait till i move out..and later get married..i know now who's NOT going to be walking down the isle..for sure..i know a few years from now..when i'm a bit older and maybe when i dont hate my dad as much i would look back on this post and be shocked at myself..but i highly doubt tt would happen..i mean this hate has been with me for 6 years..whats another lifetime right?..i hold no convictions..and like my dad said..no love lost..tts about the only thing i'd have to agree with.cause i don't care what the fuck it is he does..nvr have nvr will..call me angsty or whatever..cause i know this goes wayy beyon just teenage angst....
..till next time fellas..catch you on the flipside=)
So he comes back from the market (one of the few things he actually does to make himself useful) and asks my sister to ask my mum if we're going to church.now i make my way downstairs and he asks me to get changed..so i turm around to ask my mum if we're going to church.now in that twisted warped mind of his somehow this is disrespecting him..cause he already told me to change..now what in the hell sense does that make?..i mean then what the hell is the point in asking my sis to ask my mum abt church if its already been decided?..by asking my mum he's implying that he doesn't know if we're going to church yet..but no..somehow when i ask my mum i'm going against what he said..god..what the fuck man honestly.so he tells me to fuck off..which i do cause i can't give two fucks what he has to say..i make my way back upstairs and he comes up takes a shower comes out of the shower and starts yelling at me asking me what i was trying to do asking my mother if we're going to church..
ok..honetly father..i've always thought that maybe you might just be a bit more hard to try and understand cause of that typical domineering mama attitude you give..but now i've come to the conclusion that the problem lies in your head-your emotionally unstable..and guess what.. i feel sorry for you.you say i'm the self-fish one who feels sorry for herself?..haha..tts personyfying the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black".your the 44 year old jobless bum who sits at home the whole day,whallowing in self-pity, doing absolutely nothing at all whilst my mother has to go to work and bring home the income.Yah ok..so we've got money to start with..but it isn't even about that..it's the principle..you've got mouths to feed and bills to pay..you just don't resign from your job cause its not your cup of tea..i mean how fucking selfish is tt?..if my mum had a choice i'm sure she would much rather stay at home and look after us..but she understands that she has children and these children are expenses that have to be paid for.
God i just hope you get a job overseas and move there..i know this sounds awfully selfish of me but guess what?i don't give a fuck..if you look at it carefully the only thing we depend on you for is income..we don't need you around in our lives and yes i'm using the word "we" becasue these sentiments are shared by my other sisters and now,increasingly my mother.you know how happy and at ease we are when you go overseas for some stupid meeting and what not?..its as if a whole load has been lifted of our chests..we can come home and just do what we like without having you interrupt us with your stupid chores that your fat-self is incapable of doing.
Your a walking contradiction..i really have to give it up to my mum for being able to tolerate your bullshit after all these years.i mean the only thing she can do now is to make sure her daughters don't make the same mistake she did by marrying someone like you.and turst me,rest assured that mistake won't be made.i won't let myself or any of my sisters.Its about time you realise that you have 4 daughters, 3 of whom are well aware of the type of bullshit you give and who all cannot stand the sight of you.I actually have to give it up to my other two sisters cause they actually seem to be more tolerant towards you than i am..maybe its cause i've been feeling this way about you for like what 6 years?..correction..i've hated you for about 6 years.
If you honeslty feel like your being disrespercted by us than too fucking bad..cause guess what?..your bringing it unto yourself with the way you behave towards us.you say you dont care how you are towards us?very well..then you slnd' bother how you so call "get treated"..honestly man..if u wanna leave and just walk out pls..by all means..i'm actually secretly hoping you do.call me selfish again..i don't care cause i know tt its for the better.i mean what difference would it make?..you don't know anything tt goes on in our lives at all cept for maybe the very basic things..and like i said..we only depend on you financially.
your whole side of the family is freaking dysfunctional..you've got a neurotic mother,who's becoming increasingly paranoind after your fathers death..which by the way has affected you greatly and with which i take secreat joy..i know by now everyone reading this would probably come up with a whole list of words to call me..but you'd probably be saying the same thing if you were in my positon.my uncles can be annoying but a generally fine..thank god..and by 2nd uncle i must say is the best..he's sucha great father to his daughters..i mean i just observe the way he is with them and i wish he would be my father.he knew tt my dads side of the family was fucked up so he really took pains in ensuring his daughters were not exposed to all the dysfunctions that my father got us exposed to.and for tt i commend him..honestly..my father would never be half as good as my unlce..ever..but whatever..my dad doesn't care..he told me himself he doesn't..so y bother?..thank god for my mum cause i really don't know what i'd do without her..she's like the sane side in my life.
i can't wait till i move out..and later get married..i know now who's NOT going to be walking down the isle..for sure..i know a few years from now..when i'm a bit older and maybe when i dont hate my dad as much i would look back on this post and be shocked at myself..but i highly doubt tt would happen..i mean this hate has been with me for 6 years..whats another lifetime right?..i hold no convictions..and like my dad said..no love lost..tts about the only thing i'd have to agree with.cause i don't care what the fuck it is he does..nvr have nvr will..call me angsty or whatever..cause i know this goes wayy beyon just teenage angst....
..till next time fellas..catch you on the flipside=)
